They weren't joking when they told me that I'd show a lot sooner the second time around....I was still dancing on stage every night (in a leotard no less) well over 4 months when I was pregnant with River. But the second I hit 12 weeks I just popped. I am as big as I am now when I was 6 months pregnant the first time. What? If I've learned anything it is to stop comparing to what I know. This pregnancy is totally different. In pretty much every way. And I'm sure that's how it is going to be between raising two different children. This pregnancy I now know what real fatigue is, and being constantly sick...not just in the morning. 24/7 sick. It put me in a serious depressing funk for a few weeks. I could barely function all day. And that doesn't really work out too well when you have a three year old, a dog, and your husband is in a different country. It was a hard first month. But then we got to Korea to join our papa and I felt even more sick. Ugh. See, if I stayed busy all day then the nausea didn't seem so intense. Well, in Korea I don't have my dog to hike and walk everyday and I also have a lot more help (i.e. thank you nanny and a husband), but it made the nausea seem to intensify when I could rest or relax. It's such a catch 22. I am not writing this to say how horrible it is to be pregnant, because I feel the complete opposite. I am even more excited to be pregnant again and I count my blessings everyday that I am even able to grow a little human in me.
Life is so miraculous.
First of all, I wasn't sure I even wanted to tell anyone I was pregnant because it had taken a long time to get here. The husband and I have been trying for over a year to get pregnant again. And while I always thought I would have all my kids close in age, the reality of it is, they will be almost 4 years apart. I also thought I would be done having all my kids by the age of 30. I pretty much laugh at all of my "plans" now. Ha.Another lesson I've learned with all of this (and continue to learn) is that it is never my timing, it's His timing. His timing is always perfect, even though at times it is hard not to feel hopeless after so many pregnancy tests come back negative. I really feel for families and moms who experience infertility or have a hard time getting pregnant. It is a rollercoaster of emotions month after month. If I didn't go through it all I don't know if I would feel this much gratitude and humility as I do now. So I am thankful for my trials and what seemed like unanswered prayers, because really I am able to be so much more aware, understanding, and truly feel more grateful because of them.
I can't wait to add another to our little team. I can't wait for river to be an older brother. And I can't wait to love another little baby. My greatest joy really is in being a mother and I can't wait to do it again! September can't come soon enough:)
xo
